bry and I bought this sweet little house in 2006 and from the moment I was in it, I wanted a baby.
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there was an adjoining room off the master bedroom with french doors and I imagined our nursery being there. it was perfect
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after many, many months of trying my mind was growing tired, wondering why we weren't able to get pregnant. then finally, we were able to move to indiana. I had a friend tell me, "I think you've been waiting until you get back to your family to start yours." I hoped it was true.
then we moved into our lovely home here and I immediately made my niece a room and only dreamt of it being a baby room.
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after a few months of getting settled we began seeing a doctor. all of whom gave us little hope in getting pregnant. on our own we could achieve at a 5% rate a month. with medicine it would be around 26-38%. this was less than hopeful for me. I was becoming very lonely inside and felt I could only talk about it so much.
after a few months of trying fertility, we took a short break and then felt our next step should be adoption. we didn't tell many, some of whom said we hadn't exhausted all of our options to have our "own children" because we hadn't tried IVF. I, at the time, was not ready for IVF. not at all.
we had our first home visit and it went great. we were both
very excited. we had to talk about what gender, what race and what circumstances we would accept from the mother. this was very hard. we decided to take a step back and just think.
then I felt more ready for IVF. I made 3 appointments and canceled all of them. something in me wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready for the heartache of it not working (40% chance) and for all of the money we'd have to spend.
on the same day I found out I was pregnant, bry and I took a really long walk with our dogs. I expressed my concerns and how I did not want to acquire debt trying to have a baby. whether it being through adoption or on our own. we decided to save all the money and
then try. I felt at peace with it. really.
then later that night, on a whim, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I don't even know why to this day. and it was a big, FAT positive.
and that's why I feel very lucky.